I live in a densely populated urban area. Traffic clogs the roads. Construction makes for long delays. I walk out onto the street and hear irate drivers leaning on their horns. As the daily commute becomes more frustrating, civility among commuters erode quickly. More cars run red lights, fewer drivers use their signal lights. Add to this volatile mix a dark winter day bleak with rain, and the ordeal becomes absolute. I see clients who struggle with anger. The road is often the where the frustrations of modern life ignite into fury. I also feel the irritations of sharing the road with other drivers. This is an ongoing trial that tests my patience and magnanimity. Nothing ruins a day quite like the $#%& who cuts you off right before the highway overpass.
In an effort to cool our temper and to lengthen our fuse, I take a passage from Marcus Aurelius’ “Meditations” and adopt it for drivers. An emperor of Rome from 161 to 180 CE, Aurelius was no stranger to machination and intrigue. Immersed in the constant contest for power, Aurelius drew from stoic philosophy and wrote notes to himself as a form of self-direction and exhortation. Bracing himself for the fray of the court, he wrote:
When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: The people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous, and surly. They are like this because they can’t tell good from evil. But I have seen the beauty of the good, and the ugliness of evil, and have recognized that the wrongdoer has a nature related to my own-not of the same blood or birth, but the same mind, and possessing a share of the divine. And so none of them can hurt me. No one can implicate me in ugliness. Nor can I feel angry at my relative, or hate him. We were born to work together like feet, hands, and eyes, like the two rows of teeth, upper and lower. To obstruct each other is unnatural. To feel anger at someone, to turn your back on him: these are obstructions.
Following Marcus Aurelius’ own reminder to himself, I adapt the passage to drivers, myself included, who must brave the roads each day and avoid the scourge of road rage.
Before you put the car in drive, tell yourself: The drivers I meet today will be careless, mean, neglectful and rude. They are like this because they have forgotten what it means to be a good driver. But I remember what it means to be a good driver, and I know the dangers of bad driving. I also know that the bad drivers are not so different from me: they are subject to the same irritations enroute to their destination. Like me, they also want to arrive safely. Therefore, I need not repeat their unwholesome behaviour. No one can unduly influence how I drive. Nor can I feel angry at other drivers, or hate them. We share the same road, move together like blood cells in an artery. To obstruct each other is unnatural. To hurl rage at others: these are unnecessary vexations.
With this exhortation in mind, may we all travel safely and give each other the grace and patience we all deserve.