I often see clients who are struggling with the cumulative demands of life. It seems that modern life is inimical to human wellness. Work, parenting, academics, quickly eat up the hours of the day, leaving us fatigued and spent. For responsible, functioning people, busyness happens by default. Our sense of responsibility seems to open the floodgates for more duties. That our days are full, and our calendars packed, happens without our design or consent. We take on more projects at work, schedule more activities after work, pick up the kids, drive them to extra-curricular activities, cook and clean, help with homework, sneak in an hour or two for work-related email, and attempt to complete required readings for that part-time Master’s degree. In the constant motion of these toilsome days, sleep is often cast aside. Many people burn the candle at both ends, sacrificing precious hours on the pillow, thus courting chronic fatigue and its many health-complications.
When life gets too demanding, people tend to compensate in a variety of ways. Some people opt for escape: social media, video games, binge-watching Netflix. Entertainment is not always bad. However, in excess, they can leave us feeling sluggish and vacuous. Social media is designed to keep us transfixed, to keep us scrolling, while providing mildly amusing content that does not really inform or entertain. Worse, they can often intensify feelings of inferiority as images of beautiful people in splendid settings dazzle our eyes and corrode contentment with our own lives. Video games and streaming platforms provide a world of content, but our desire to watch every episode and finish every level can eat into our sleep, leaving us further fatigued for the next day.
Others seek comfort in alcohol and substances. After a tough day at work, a cold pint of beer feels like relief, something to look forward to. Likewise, a joint promises to deliver relaxation and pleasure. The comfort provided by substances can be alluring–but they carry much risk. All substances, from alcohol to psychoactive drugs, tend to be habit-forming. Our brains grow to depend on them over time. Neurons that relish a rush of dopamine begin to recognize the proliferation. Quickly, the brain reaches toward homeostasis but shutting down receptors in order to regulate dopamine uptake. Thus, it takes more substances (alcohol, cannabis and others) to induce the same high as previous experiences. Consumption in greater amounts reinforces the same cycle. This is the neurological mechanism of addiction. What provides relief in the short term becomes a dependency in the long term.
I once had a friend tell me that her binge-watching habit is a form of revenge. I found her words revealing. Against what was she trying to exact revenge? Who was the perpetrator of the crime? For those who feel compelled to compensate for their days, or feel overwhelmed by duties, it is worth while to ask what wrong was inflicted in the first place, and what form of redress is appropriate. Is work too oppressive? Perhaps supervisors and colleagues are unsupportive? Or perhaps we subject ourselves to work that we don’t like? Perhaps we are under-engaged, under-utilized, and under-appreciated? Perhaps we find our lives smaller than we had hoped when we were younger, and thus our soul dies slowly. Or perhaps we finally have what we’ve longed for, but feel troubled by what it confiscates from us in turn (a high paying-job that eats up all our time; a new baby that saps all our energy). Revenge is a reaction to a raw deal. To better understand the nature of the breach, we need to understand which parts of us are suffering.
Here are some signs that you are suffering from burn-out, and may benefit from a thorough investigation of everything that is out of alignment in your life.
Lack of Motivation and reduced productivity – I have met with high-functioning clients who, after a prolonged period of over-exertion, struggle to operate in the ways that they expect of themselves. Getting things done is their norm. Thus, they take on many responsibilities, and see themselves succeed in many tasks. A “Can-Do” attitude pervades their work ethic. Unfortunately, this capability also distorts their internal gauge that determines the right level of optimal work. Capable people often over-extend themselves, and they do so for longer periods of time, precisely because “Can-Do” is part of their self-concept. The very thing that has ensured their success may be an impediment to their well-being.
Every system has an equilibrium that facilitates optimal function. Sluggishness, lack of vim and verve, reluctance to be productive may indicate that our system has reached its limits, and is veering toward equilibrium.
Loss of joy, excitement, enjoyment – Another sign of burn-out might be the absence of enthusiasm for life. Whereas an outing with friends, a concert, even a snack might previously fill you with joy, now they are bland and flat. The days seem bled of colour and dimension. There may not be much to look forward to. Everything requires energy–energy that you do not have. Life becomes monotonous, if not dreary. This loss of joy and excitement is not necessarily an indication of clinical depression, but it can be disorienting nevertheless. If you are feeling that life has lost its sparkle, this may be an indication that your nervous system is over-taxed.
Oppressive thoughts, absolute beliefs – Negative forms of mentation can feel debilitating. Oppressive thoughts are ideas that arise from a difficult situation and reinforces itself with repetition. For example, burnt out care-givers might think: “I’m the only one who can take care of _______. There is no one else besides me.” Notice that these thoughts are fixed on absolutes; they do not admit of any other possibility, or gradations of truth. Either me, or no one else. If I don’t do this, nobody else will. Let’s put aside the situation in question and focus on the thoughts. These ideas are oppressive because they foreclose any possibility of other outcome. We suffer by the very fact that we think them. The burnt-out worker is doomed to burn-out, because their beliefs seem to militate against a way out. They become self-fulfilling prophesies; if we believe there is no one who can help us, then we will continue to over-exert ourselves.
Anxiety, loss of hope, pessimism about the future – If a burnt-out person believes that there is no remedy to their situation, that they are doomed to their fate, they will lose touch with the vim and verve of life. The future will hold no promise, and the days portend sorrow rather than joy. Whereas the mind was once brimming with hope and optimism, it is now plagued by worry. These are indications that vitality is waning, and that our system maybe operating beyond its sustainable limits.
Reliance on maladaptive coping mechanisms – When life becomes too demanding, people often reach for coping mechanisms to soften the hardship. Food, alcohol, substances, games, gambling, pornography, to name a few, are some of the ways that people compensate for stress. The underlying instinct is easy to understand: I’m feeling terrible, and this is a way for me to feel good. While many of these methods promote the release of dopamine, and thus facilitate the experience of pleasure, they are maladaptive in the long-run because they encourage dependence on an external stimulus, promote addiction, and weaken our innate ability to resile against the challenges of life. If you find yourself increasingly reliant on these coping mechanisms, they may be signs that something within is not optimally aligned.
Withdraw from social networks – Another sign of burn-out might be a withdrawal from one’s social support network. Whereas previously quality time with friends might be invigorating, the burnt-out person may find it tiring, requiring too much energy and time. Fatigue prevents them from getting the vital connections they need. On the one hand, the conservation of energy might be a compensatory mechanism of a strained system; on the other, the diminishment of social connection can undermine our wellbeing in the long run, as we become strangers to our friends and family.
If you are noticing a combination of these signs, you may be suffering from burn-out. These symptoms may not indicate something pathological; they reveal something out of balance. Speaking to a professional can help you identify the sources of stress, the pain that you are unconsciously suppressing, and your resistance to making necessary changes.